Some Lesser Known Relatives of Famous Historical Characters

History is full of important men (less so women, they were not enough women in history, they were busy doing important stuff) who have famous and memorable titles. A lot of these titles are great - literary, Great, like Alexander and Cyrus or Louis (he was French, so as usual more fancy, so he went for Le Grand, which is great... I mean Great) - but some others are more memorable: Louis the Fat (Sancho was too) or Wahram the Wild Ass. 

These people, however, had some lesser known relatives, sometimes preceding them in their fame-inducing acts, who for one reason or another - wrong title, one assumes - were less successful in their great schemes. Here, I will try to restore these underdogs of history to their rightful place. You won't find them in Wikipedia, which probably is a good thing. 

Bede the Vulnerable

This Mercian monk was a predecessor, and distant relative of the more successful and better known Northumbrian Bede the Venerable. His attempt at writing a history of the English people suffered from the fact that they did not exist yet. His social vulnerability, hence his title, also meant that he was barely able to buy enough parchments to write his now lost Historia ecclesiastica gentis Jutorum, which also had the disadvantage of having the wrong name. 

St. Gregory the Eliminator

This Armenian priest, an uncle of the celebrated St. Gregory the Illuminator, was an early convert to Christianity. Employing methods slightly more violent than his nephew, he entered Armenia through Sophene, preaching the Gospels and eliminating (you guessed it) anyone who did not want to hear such truths. He was found a bit of nuisance and was promptly eliminated by having a rock falling on his head. There is no evidence that he believed in Karma. 

William the Concuror 

This Norman nobleman, a second cousin of the famous William the Conqueror, was a warrior of note. His mild manners and tendency to agree with his enemies was considered a weakness. A particularly convincing debate with Harold Godwinsson precluded any attempt on his part to claim the English throne. 

Lorenzo the Ambivalent 

This Renaissance man was a contemporary of Lorenzo the Magnificent and a close friend of the latter. Unlike the Medici banker, however, he was fully unaware of the movement of Byzantine scholars and artists to Italy or the price of wool, and cared even less for paintings or pretty boys. He is famous for going about his daily life, having no interest in creating a legacy. 

Ivan the Horrible

This Moscovite ruler, unlike his relative, the famous Ivan the Terrible, was not a successful ruler and also squarely failed at the required Russian royal duty of murdering his own son, accidentally on purpose. He was quite horrible at everything, and was generally a rather imposing and unpleasant chap, which earned him the said nickname. Oh well...

Vlad the Inhaler

Vlad was from Transylvania and was in fact a rival of Vlad the Impaler, the Dracula, and a significantly better candidate for the inspiration of Bram Stocker than the Wallachian voivod. He was known, however, for being rather fond of the dope, and in great contrast to certain later politicians, did tend to inhale (yes, that is why), which landed him in Transylvania and not in history books.